Why are dogs such bad dancers? They have two left feet.
“Some plants,” said the teacher, “have the prefix “dog. For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by ‘dog’.” “I can,” shouted a little redhead from the back row, “Collieflower!”
There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. ”Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, ”Nope.” As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, ”I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” The old man muttered, ”Ain’t my dog.”
Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn’t allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea. “Just watch me and follow my lead,” he said. He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, “I’m sorry but I can’t let you in here.” The guy looked at the bartender and asked, “Why not?” The bartender replied, “Well, we don’t allow dogs into the bar.” “But this is my seeing eye dog,” the guy said. “Oh, I’m sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever.” The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can’t let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.”But this is my seeing eye dog,” said the second guy. The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, “Sir, ah… um… a Chihuahua?” The man looked a little puzzled and then said, “What? They gave me a Chihuahua?”